Many of the parts of ourselves that we’ve disowned, rejected, and deny carry an energy that impacts us, our relationships and our lives in ways we don’t like. These Shadows or ‘blind spots’ are more than an ‘belief system’ but hold a very real energy that underlie addictions, our self-image, impact our success, and much more. These Shadow energies are stored in our bodies and our psyches often in ways we can’t see directly but we may know the impact on us and our lives. They are the psyche’s boogie man hiding under the bed. Our innate brilliance is also dimmed by our blind spots.

OK, the good news is that these ‘darker’ aspects of our psyche hold the potential to be transmuted into our gold. Bringing them to awareness and then ‘Integrating’ them offers us a freedom and a taste of that brilliance. But, we have to take a peak at that boogie man under the bed to see the truth of these disowned parts and learn to work them in a safe way. For these next weeks, I’ll be offering more insight and videos on how to work with your own Shadow material. As always, I’m available to guide you in this work either on-line, zoom, or in person. Shadow Integration Groups are forming and will occur Thursday nights in Makawao, Maui. Contact me if interested.

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I met the most fascinating man recently. Ray and his caucasian wife Barb lived on the edges of wild Alaska for many decades. They lived with wolves, dog sledded across the winter wilderness; survived frostbite and plane crashes and still found a way to contribute to healing the environment and save hundreds of miles of coastline from the Exxon Valdez disaster. They spoke of being given names and adopted by Inuit people in their region. These Inuit people knew the necessity interdependence as their survival depended on it. Their credo was that when one went hungry, the whole village went hungry. They knew that survival depended on each other. All Belonged and participated in the rituals and practices that allowed them to thrive even today as an ancient culture. To be given a name in their culture was a very high honor that few whites would ever experience. I could have listened to this gentle man’s outrageous stories all night. Ray and Barb knew the first lesson that most original cultures know, RESPECT.

We’ve all heard the African proverb that it takes a village to raise a child. I’d like to offer an audacious friendly amendment…’that is takes a village to raise a child; it takes a village to raise a family; it takes a village to raise a village’. We’ve revered ‘independence’ as a high virtue and maybe to the detriment of our own well being. Asking for help is often a sign of weakness. It certainly continues to be an unhealthy truth for me, and many others who I know.

Maybe embracing intergenerational interdependence is our next step in human evolution.

In chatting with a man this week, he shared his social anxieties and sometimes phobia about relating with others. Most, including me sometimes experience discomfort with meeting others fearing that we will be judged; or that it takes too much energy; they’ll want something from us; or some other known or unknown reason. This man would rather be alone than face others. Occasionally, I can relate to that too. Balancing that risk of being social with the accompanying anxiety versus the need to be social is a stress that lives in many of us.

We do know that we humans are social creatures. As social beings we thrive best when we belong to family or like minded group where our shared values and needs are met. I suspect that many of our modern depressions and anxieties have their root in not having a culture or group where we know we belong. When we don’t share a rich and ancient culture, we suffer and often will try to destroy or steal another’s. Someone who has an embodied sense of belonging enjoys a rare and precious life. And when this someone has this sense of belonging they are more likely to contribute to the whole in a healthy manner. Belonging suggests an inherent responsibility to contribute to the whole; to not isolate nor strive to meet only our own needs. We become generous. When your survival and happiness are as important as my own, we all thrive. That is the new and coming future if we don’t destroy ourselves before.

I’m so impressed with the medicine and power their is in Community to take care of each other.

The inherent challenge I offer is to get out; share your inner self when it safe, and find a place to belong. Get curious about others; serve in some capacity whether church, synagogue or 12 step meeting; club or class. Talk with friends daily and get away from Netflix and other social media that may be robbing you of life. And, I need to step up to this challenge also. Thanks for who you are.

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Instead of offering answers or sage advice, the right questions are much, much more effective in helping clients awaken to the truth of who they are; or to move a group forward in their functioning and evolution.

i.e. What are the individual or group shadows that are blocking this group?
How are you living on your edge? What challenges do you face most right now?

And if trust and safety are already established between us, these inquiries have the capacity to bypass layers of self-denial and break long established dysfunctional patterns.

Often the first answer to a penetrating inquiry is a ‘throw away’, meaning that it is a patterned or superficial answer. Asking the question again may trigger an opportunity to go deeper to discover what may be hidden. Truth is elusive for almost everyone I know, including me.

Crafting the exact, right words comes from a compassionate curiosity of wanting. Often the question will not come a thinking function, but from feeling or intuitive functionings. I will listen to my own body and feel the question myself first.

Taking your relationships to a deeper and more soul satisfying place may require asking the right questions and a commitment to Truth.

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Write into my blog site and report your results.

Do something extraordinary because you are extraordinary.

And, I’m so happy to report that the GoFundMe campaign has raised 10,537 to date. The plan is to leave in about two weeks. I don’t know where yet. I’m waiting for that inspiration or invite; in two days I choose.

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I know I want to be of service; to offer on-the-road sessions through in person or zoom; and have much to share about life, love and truth.

The challenge I have for you is to consider your own life as an Improv class. Be in the unknown. Live more from dreaming and imagination and a little less from a scripted plan. Begin small. Let guidance tell you today what your body wants to eat. Be conscious in the here and now about where you will plant your next step on your hike.

THEN, when you have the insight into what is next; do it with as much passion and commitment as you can muster. Go boldly into your day; love passionately and move out of anything that feels lukewarm. Dance on the edges of who you think you are and break patterns that have a hold on you and your relationships.

Last week, I was sitting waiting to get a blood test at the lab. An older woman in her 80’s was sitting alone doing a puzzle. I sat next to her and had the most amazing connection and emotional depth. In minutes love was shared along with tears when she spoke of her grief of her son dying. We moved from the mundane to such realness. I won’t forget.

In improv, one of the guidelines or ‘rules’ is to make the other look good. The scene (or all of life) get real entertaining for us as performers but also the audience. The dream of being of service, will be alot about making the other fly as they’ve never done before. Let’s live an extraordinary life together. Are you in?

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